Older or Elder

I went to the eye doctor yesterday. I was concerned that there was something wrong with my vision. Let me tell you why.

Earlier this week, I attended a gathering entitled “The Conversation”, a series of off the record discussions about the current and future state of Jewish life. The ground-rules do not allow identifying who attended, but don’t forbid posting reactions to the content. In a separate posting, I will be sharing some of those. Here I will simply say that it was an attempt to convene a group representing a very broad spectrum of the American Jewish world.

Over the course of the 3 days of the meetings, one of the things I came to realize was that I was one of the two oldest in the room. It wasn’t that I was checking i.d.’s, but since the discussion of generations, especially gen x, y, and boomers was one of the recurring themes, it was hard to ignore the fact that I am, in fact, one year too old to count as a “baby boomer.” And as I looked around, I realized that there was only one other person for whom that could be said. Was that why I was invited? Hmm….

A week earlier, NSA-NYC of which I serve as an officer, presented its slate for next year. I was more than pleased to find that someone will succeed me as treasurer after three consecutive terms– that isn’t a role in which one should aspire to lifetime tenure. I was asked to remain on the board in a “without portfolio” role. I will join 3 others in that role being told, “you know – we need the wisdom of the elders” on the board. Hmmm…

A week before that, my successor as chair of IJCIC was elected. I now join the ranks of “past chairs” on the board. All of the other living past chairs, as I think about it, are retired. Hmmmm…

That same week, I received an invitation to write a retrospective about the years I spent at Brown as its chaplain and rabbi for the RI Jewish Historical Society Journal. Those years were early in my career, 1971-1982, long enough ago that the HISTORICAL society is interested. Hmmmm….

Which brings me to the eye doctor. I seem to have a problem when I look in the mirror. I don’t see someone so old. I certainly don’t feel old [though I must admit that I enjoy the many discounts which accompany eligibility for Medicare]. Maybe the problem is with my eyeglasses – maybe they are distorting my vision so that I don’t see what others see.

When I look in the mirror, I see a person with a lot to do, lots of continuing ambitions, lots of attention to the future. I may have a long litany of anecdotes but I am still at the stage where I am adding new anecdotes, welcoming new knowledge, new clients, new challenges, new opportunities.

But if I am honest about it, there is also a lot of evidence that I am increasingly being treated like an “elder.” I am often asked for my perspectives on issues and challenges, sometimes by the press, often by others in the field of philanthropy who have been referred to me. There is not a week that goes by when I don’t meet with one or more people who want my advice on career choices, or my judgment on professional challenges. Many of the organizations with which I am involved regularly solicit my “wisdom” when faced with dilemmas.

It gets me to wonder: Can one be an “elder” without being “old?” Wouldn’t that be nice? Or am I simply indulging what I wish could be true?

By the way: when I went to the eye doctor, I discovered that, indeed, I do need new glasses! After all this, I am curious to see what I will see in my mirror now. Hmmmm…..